numb.

this one has definitely been the hardest. i'm handling it better but that doesn't mean i'm not dying on the inside. i'm trying to be more mature and not lock myself in my room for hours. i've learned that it doesn't help. i have so many different emotions running through my mind all the time. worry and the desire to be numb mainly. i worry about mike. i don't want him going off the deep end but i know there's nothing i can do about it. no matter what i still love him. the people who expect me to be happy that this happened are insane and insensitive. maybe it was for the best. maybe i was too young. who cares if it'll get easier with time? it hurts right now. it hurts so bad sometimes that i can't breathe. i've learned to handle it by ignoring it. no love songs. no chick flicks. no romance or love anything. i need to be numb before i can start to work through it. i'm scared of moving home because i'll have more time to just sit around and think. i'm scared of just thinking. i feel like my chest is gonna be ripped open and my heart will fall right out. this is the first time i've really talked about how it feels and it's causing a freakin lump in my throat. it hurts. it's gonna hurt for a long time but i'm doing my best to deal with it. i wish that was enough. life is hard. i wish i was better at handling stuff like this. ): i need to find more things to keep myself busy. fake it till you make it.

day sixty.

a picture of something i'm excited for.

i am so excited to move home! i just want to get out of this place && go home to my family && friends. home(:

day fifty-nine.

a picture of something random tht i own.

this isn't my actual stuffed animal but it's kinda like one of mine. i have three stuffed animals tht are all from mike. my 1st one is a white tiger (my fav animal) and mike got it for me when i had a rly bad week. the second one is a big gray wolf that mike got for me when i was in the hospital after i got surgery on my foot. the 3rd one is a gray dog that mike recently won for me out of a claw machine. i love them all cuz they are from mike && show how much he cares about me.

day fifty-eight.

a picture of my favorite animal.

a snow tiger. they are soo beautiful, fierce, and vicious when needed. i would love to be one of these animals! they are gorgeous.

day fifty-seven

a picture of my favorite holiday.

new years eve. i love it. this is a picture of my family, mike, && i new years eve 2009. i love new years eve because you get to spend time with your family, stay up late, eat junk food, and you don't have to spend money on other ppl. i also love it because it's mike && i's anniversary (: going on two && a half years.

day fifty-six.

a picture of something tht makes me happy.

sometimes i hate being licked && tickled but rly i love it. i love playing around && goofing off with mike. it makes me more than happy!

day fifty-five.

a picture of the last movie i saw in theaters.

harry potter seven part one. i don't go see many movies so this was the last one. i saw it over christmas break with christine && i loved it. can't wait for part two.

day fifty-four.

a picture of the one thing i would bring if stranded on a deserted island.

mike. if we died at least we would die together. not having him with me would be the first thing tht would drive me crazy. i need him to survive.

day fifty-three.

a picture of someone i think is hot.

michael levi hurst. he is the only hot guy in the world to me. he is amazingly good looking, handsome, attractive. yess(: i love him!

day fifty-two.

a picture of my favorite sport.

baseball! i love it. tht love was sparked by my little brothers. i love watching them play && i get so proud of them. i love it.

day fifty-one.

a picture of my dream car.

a range rover! i want one sooo bad! mike told me i can get one so it's only a matter of time(: they are so classy && beautiful. love<3

day fifty.

a picture of my most frequented place.

maverick. haha ever since i started hanging out with mike's family more we go to the gas station about three times a day. it makes me waste a lot of money but oh well.

day forty-nine.

a picture of where i live.

haha i couldn't get a real picture so here is a map. i live in the big open area, price. it's awful. rinky dink town full of crack heads. ha oh well.

day forty-eight.

a picture of my favorite actor/actress.

james marsden! i love him. he is amazing in every role he plays, especially in 27 dresses. he is also super hot. lol

day forty-seven.

a picture of my favorite place to shop.

buckle! i love this store. it has the best && cutest clothes ever. yup; best ever!

day forty-six.

a picture of somewhere i wish i could be right now.

the beach! with all the stress i've had from school && deciding what i'm doing next year i need a break. i wanna lay in the sun with a HUGE ice cold mt dew.

day forty-five.

a picture of my room.

my room is kind of small since it is a dorm room && i wish it was cuter, more decorated but oh well. i have my bed, a dresser, a desk && chair, and a closet. it will do for now. my favorite part is my fashion wall. yup.