I'm a Slacker

Long time no see. My life has been all over the place lately. I quit my job in June and moved down to be with Mike. I lived there for about a month and a half and then, unfortunately, Mike was laid off. That threw a wrench into our plans. We never planned on staying down in the middle of nowhere forever. We didn't want to raise kids down there. Because of that and many other reasons we decided to move back up North now instead of later. I'm very happy to have Mike up here with me, but I know that he is having a hard time adjusting. He is currently looking for a welding job up here and hopefully he will have some luck soon. I am also looking for a job. We are hoping to get married in November. I hope our plans actually work out this time. I will do my best to post at least once a week from now on. Here are some pictures from my past little bit.

An updated picture of me

 



My brothers and I at the zoo in June

Candid Picture of Mike & I



Mike & I at his family reunion in June. Very tired.



Suprise! New nephew for Mike. Cooper was born on June 25. Soo happy!

Mike & I pretending to be bears at the zoo

Happy Fathers Day!

Happy 2nd birthday to Dylan!

Happy 4th of July from Dylan & I

Emily & I at their family reunion

It is what it looks like... Mike teaching Sam to dance



Me & baby Joleene. She's turning one this weekend!

Yes it is... My first fish I ever caught. Go me! I even gutted it (:

Always Changing

Sometimes I feel like my life will never stand still. Or never go the way I want. Just when I think I'm finally going to get my dreams... a wrench gets thrown into my plans. Praying for patience is never a good idea. I'm probably the most confused I've been in my entire life. Go to Dixie college next year? Move to Boston? Stay right where I'm at? Who knows. Every time one of the decisions feels right... the feeling changes. I've always been so sure of what I wanted. The closer I get to twenty, the less grown up I feel. Someday's I miss being a little kid so much and just letting my mom make all my life decisions for me. I don't know what's going to happen in the coming months and years, but there's one thing I want people to know... the ONLY person I'm thinking about while making my life decisions right now is me. If i start to worry about what others will think I'll never make a decision. I'm going to choose that will make ME the happiest. Now & in the future.

Here are some pictures for your viewing pleasure... (:

Long Time No See

It's been quite awhile since I've last updated this blog. There's no way I could write about everything that's gone on. Life has been one ginormous rollercoaster. There have definitely been some ups though. I don't wanna speak too soon, but... I'm probably going to be getting married in June (: I've been trying not to tell people in case it doesn't happen, but I'm tired of not having faith in Mike & I's relationship. We're going to make it there. I cannot wait. The idea of being married to Mike makes me happier than about anything. As soon as I get a ring on my finger I will post pictures (:

Here's some of the past little bit...

New 60 Day Challenge

I really liked doing my last 60 Day Challenge, so I decided to do another. Here it goes....

6o Day Challenge

1. Favorite Store & Why

2. Favorite TV Show & Why

3. Favorite Book & Why

4. Story of How You & Significant Other Met

5. Details about Parents

6. Details about Siblings

7. Favorite Year of School & Why

8. Favorite Band & Why

9. Favorite Movie & Why

10. Best Childhood Memory

11. Best Jr. High Memory

12. Best High School Memory

13. Best College Memory

14. Favorite Memory with Father

15. Favorite Memory with Mother

16. Dream Honeymoon

17. Describe your Dream Wedding

18. Describe your Best Friend

19. Who's your Hero & Why

20. Biggest Insecurity

21. First 20 Songs that come up on Ipod

22. Favorite Pet of all time

23. Career Choice & Why

24. Describe your Day

25. What's your Favorite Part of yourself

26. Favorite Sport & Why

27. If you Could Look Like Any Celebrity, Who Would it be and Why

28. Favorite Season

29. Favorite Fashion Designer

30. Favorite Girl Scent & Boy Scent

31. Best Girl Friend of all time

32. What Material thing do you Want Most Right Now

33. Favorite Car

34. Dream Wedding Ring

35. Favorite Hair Style on you

36. Someone you Miss

37. Something that's gotten you Through Hard Times

38. Most thoughtful Gift you have Ever Gotten

39. Most Thoughtful Gift you have Ever Given

40. Something you're Looking Forward to

41. Something that has Impacted Your Life Lately

42. Something you Want to Get Better at

43. Biggest Fear

44. Something you Wish you had Stuck to

45. Favorite Fruit

46.Favorite Color & What it Says about you

47. Childhood Toy you Remember Most

48. If you Could Meet Anyone, Alive or Dead, Who Would it be

49. If you had a Million Dollars What Would you do With it

50. What's your Favorite Place that you've Ever Visited

51. Dream Career

52. What's the Number One Goal you have Right Now

53. What is Your Biggest Worry at this Exact Moment

54. What Five Words Describe you Best

55. Number One Pet Peeve

56. What is your Idea of True Happiness

57. Worst Injury you Ever Had

58. Favorite Dessert

59. What Does Your Name Mean & Do You Think it Fits

60. What are Your Greatest Dreams

many changes.

woooow. it's been a long time since i wrote last & a ton has changed. the number one thing is that mike & i are back together. most ppl who hear this just think that we are such a rollercoaster. that's fine. with us getting back together this time i realized something... i don't really care what others think about us or me. i've had some family members be very unsupportive of mike & i's relationship from the beginning for no reason at all except for very shallow ones. yes, his family isn't rich-neither is mine. yes, he is from the country and it's helped me expand my horizons a TON. i don't know many people who have experienced a love like mike & i have. he makes me believe in marriage again and that it can last which is something i thought i would never have faith in. we make each other want to be better people and he treats me like a queen. aren't those the things that matter? i'm very grateful for my mom & siblings for always being supportive and giving us the time to figure things out without judging us. i love mike & i truly hope that some day we will be together for eternity.

other things that have changed... i'm living at home again, i have a job (yay), and i will be starting at UVU in the fall. it's weird being home and having less freedom and i hate being farther away from mike, but it has been nice to be around my family & i know that we need each other. i really like my job. i love the people that i work with and i love the environment. i like feeling like i am contributing to the world, even if it's just through retail. i love it. & i really do love having the paycheck (:

also, lately i have been having tons of doctors appointments. i have a cyst in my right wrist and for awhile they thought i had carpel tunnel too. luckily, as of yesterday, i know that i do not have that. i had to get a nerve conduction test done, which could easily be a form of torture.

the Lord has blessed me so much in my life & i see it more and more every day. my life would be miserable without the gospel. i'm soo glad that i was one lucky enough to be born into an LDS family. i truly know that the church is true.

i turn nineteen this month. for some reason i'm more excited for this birthday then i was for my eighteenth birthday even though nothing is changing. lately i have just felt older, more mature. i feel like i'm growing up. life finally feels real. i'm starting my own life, on my own and mike will be joining it. it's scary & yet so invigorating. i love my life (:

here's some pictures of my summer...

numb.

this one has definitely been the hardest. i'm handling it better but that doesn't mean i'm not dying on the inside. i'm trying to be more mature and not lock myself in my room for hours. i've learned that it doesn't help. i have so many different emotions running through my mind all the time. worry and the desire to be numb mainly. i worry about mike. i don't want him going off the deep end but i know there's nothing i can do about it. no matter what i still love him. the people who expect me to be happy that this happened are insane and insensitive. maybe it was for the best. maybe i was too young. who cares if it'll get easier with time? it hurts right now. it hurts so bad sometimes that i can't breathe. i've learned to handle it by ignoring it. no love songs. no chick flicks. no romance or love anything. i need to be numb before i can start to work through it. i'm scared of moving home because i'll have more time to just sit around and think. i'm scared of just thinking. i feel like my chest is gonna be ripped open and my heart will fall right out. this is the first time i've really talked about how it feels and it's causing a freakin lump in my throat. it hurts. it's gonna hurt for a long time but i'm doing my best to deal with it. i wish that was enough. life is hard. i wish i was better at handling stuff like this. ): i need to find more things to keep myself busy. fake it till you make it.

day sixty.

a picture of something i'm excited for.

i am so excited to move home! i just want to get out of this place && go home to my family && friends. home(: