numb.

this one has definitely been the hardest. i'm handling it better but that doesn't mean i'm not dying on the inside. i'm trying to be more mature and not lock myself in my room for hours. i've learned that it doesn't help. i have so many different emotions running through my mind all the time. worry and the desire to be numb mainly. i worry about mike. i don't want him going off the deep end but i know there's nothing i can do about it. no matter what i still love him. the people who expect me to be happy that this happened are insane and insensitive. maybe it was for the best. maybe i was too young. who cares if it'll get easier with time? it hurts right now. it hurts so bad sometimes that i can't breathe. i've learned to handle it by ignoring it. no love songs. no chick flicks. no romance or love anything. i need to be numb before i can start to work through it. i'm scared of moving home because i'll have more time to just sit around and think. i'm scared of just thinking. i feel like my chest is gonna be ripped open and my heart will fall right out. this is the first time i've really talked about how it feels and it's causing a freakin lump in my throat. it hurts. it's gonna hurt for a long time but i'm doing my best to deal with it. i wish that was enough. life is hard. i wish i was better at handling stuff like this. ): i need to find more things to keep myself busy. fake it till you make it.

day sixty.

a picture of something i'm excited for.

i am so excited to move home! i just want to get out of this place && go home to my family && friends. home(:

day fifty-nine.

a picture of something random tht i own.

this isn't my actual stuffed animal but it's kinda like one of mine. i have three stuffed animals tht are all from mike. my 1st one is a white tiger (my fav animal) and mike got it for me when i had a rly bad week. the second one is a big gray wolf that mike got for me when i was in the hospital after i got surgery on my foot. the 3rd one is a gray dog that mike recently won for me out of a claw machine. i love them all cuz they are from mike && show how much he cares about me.

day fifty-eight.

a picture of my favorite animal.

a snow tiger. they are soo beautiful, fierce, and vicious when needed. i would love to be one of these animals! they are gorgeous.

day fifty-seven

a picture of my favorite holiday.

new years eve. i love it. this is a picture of my family, mike, && i new years eve 2009. i love new years eve because you get to spend time with your family, stay up late, eat junk food, and you don't have to spend money on other ppl. i also love it because it's mike && i's anniversary (: going on two && a half years.

day fifty-six.

a picture of something tht makes me happy.

sometimes i hate being licked && tickled but rly i love it. i love playing around && goofing off with mike. it makes me more than happy!

day fifty-five.

a picture of the last movie i saw in theaters.

harry potter seven part one. i don't go see many movies so this was the last one. i saw it over christmas break with christine && i loved it. can't wait for part two.